Daniel has not had an easy life. He was born when I was 19 years old. Shortly after he was born, it was just him and I. I had no idea about children and was learning as I went. I struggled with failed relationships and personal issues that made raising a son not very easy. And to him, it was not always easy having me as a mom. To be honest, Daniel and I are so blessed that we have an amazing family and friends that helped BOTH of us through the hard times. I was a young, single mom who was looking for a place in the world and Daniel was along for the ride.
In 2008, Daniel started kindergarten and we all knew it was going to be a challenge. At that point, my life was coming together. Personally, I was conquering demons and issues that had haunted me for years. Things were looking better. I was finding pride again. Then, tragedy struck our family. Tragedy of the worst kind. Daniel's papa was being taken away from us.
Daniel started first grade. Daniel's papa was still gone, Mommy was about to have a baby, there was a new step dad in the picture, and Daniel's problems seemed to be getting worse. At the very end of 1st grade, Daniel got into a fight that was so severe, he got suspended for 3 days. I knew at that point that something was terribly wrong with my little boy. Daniel was not the kind of kid to do such a thing. He wanted to be everyone's friend. He wanted to hug everyone. He got upset when he saw a controlled burn in a forrest because they were killing animal's homes.
It was at that point that I decided to take Daniel to see a counselor. We had to do something and I was not sure where else to turn. We started counseling in the summer between first and second grade. Through the counseling, we discovered a lot. We found out that a family member of Daniel was being emotionally and mentally abusive to Daniel. So, not only was he going through so much at Mommy's house, when he would go elsewhere, he was going through hell there, too. He was Cinderella before the ball... but there was no ball in sight. It was a terribly hard and sad thing for us to discover and have to hear.
We continued to go through counseling and decided that Daniel needed to be evaluated for emotional and mental disabilities and/or issues. So, we went through the evaluation, and then it was "judgement day." Allen and I went and had a special appointment with the counselor to get the results of Daniel's tests. He was then diagnosed with ADHD, and anxiety and depression disorder. Heartbreak followed. Now, I do not know a little boy in this world who does not have a little ADD or ADHD, so that did not bother me so much. But, anxiety and depression? A 7 year old? How did we get here and why didn't I do a better job as a mother to help prevent this?
I spent a few hours that day very sad and angry. Then, it was time to get to work. We read and studied and educated ourselves about all of the struggles that Daniel has. We went to the counselor once every three weeks. We informed everyone that was around Daniel that could possibly influence his life. We started working on ourselves more to make us better for him. We PROTECTED him from the person that caused a lot of this pain. And, we protected him from other things that could cause any more damage.
It has been a little over a year since we started this whole process. There have been ups and downs. The person who was hurting Daniel is no longer in his life. The people who were enabling the abuse are also fading away (by their choice). Daniel's life has become more and more stable and so has he.
I am proud to say that after a little over a year, Daniel is doing amazing. He is strong, smart, behaved, and the typical 8 year old boy. He has adapted to life with Allen, Connor and me. He is trusting. He is not as scared anymore. His anxiety attacks have almost completely gone away. He smiles and laughs so much more. He is genuinely started to love life again.
As a mom, I am heartbroken that we have had to go through this over the last year. But, I am so proud of my Daniel. His perseverance and drive is nothing short of amazing. He is a wonderful, beautiful and typical little boy and I am so blessed that I get to call him my son.
I wrote this blog so that other parents who might be going through something similar know that they are not the only ones. Daniel was dealing with this sort of abuse for 3 years. It got worse the last year he was around the abuser. Most victims of abuse are afraid to talk about what is happening to them. Emotional and mental can be harder to detect than physical abuse because there is no physical act that tells a child that something is wrong. There are also no physical signs. I knew something was not right for a long time, but I didnt know what and Daniel was not telling me. I could not go to the other house to find out what was going on and they surely were not going to tell me. As parents, we HAVE to follow our instincts. I knew my son was not capable of doing what he got into trouble for. I knew that he was in a different kind of trouble and he was reaching out for help. I am so glad that I followed my instincts as a mom and didn't allow myself to think that my son was just a bad apple. I can not imagine what would have happened if I had not done anything.
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